June 28 - July 4
1.  I was carrying a big, pink piggy around the store.
2.  How can a movie about spiders get three stars.
3.  At least he's more entertaining and not as dangerous.
4.  Small lake, small community, small expectations.
5.  Lush and lovely sounds lush and lovely.
6.  I like words and ideas and ice cream.
7.  So, how was your 5-minute wedding?
8.  Almost any average woman does anything better than almost any average man.
9.  Sammy the finger-biter?
10. This is the land of the red-haired people!
11. They changed the cut of the underwear I wear.

June 21 - June 27
1.  I like French's. I'm real plebeian when it comes to mustard.
2.  Have you seen anything recently that is absolutely square?
3.  I don't have to get out into nature; I have a big patio.
4.  Yeah, but he didn't say it was predicted, he said it was anticipated.
5.  Hydrate! Hydrate! Take care of yourself!
6.  We need to do what is possible in order to achieve what is possible.
7.  I think he's afraid he's going to boil the cat.
8.  My scrambled eggs this morning are the color of my roses outside my kitchen window.
9.  His intelligence makes me want to be that smart.
10. You tell that cowboy that we have to go down to Ahmad's and get some chow.
11. We had some really sparkling wind the other day.

June 14 - June 20
1.  These grapes are too round.
2.  I just love making nonsense where there is chaos.
3.  They are covered with silicone, drive Beemers and shop at Whole Foods.
4.  Don't forget your hat, your head'll burn.
5.  I am both cynical and idealistic at the same time.
6.  I think I'll whitewash some tomatoes.
7.  Remember when green was just a nice color?
8.  Good business makes good friends.
9.  You are the cream cheese frosting on the carrot cake of existence.
10. Like Marcus Owens; handsome to just an old man.
11. My herbs have finally turned into study habits.

June 7 - June 13
1.  What kind of a name is Thayer? Is that some California name?
2.  I was attacked by ants.
3.  The dog doesn't cook.
4.  He's got a big brain full of little, tiny ideas.
5.  I've got some errands to run, so don't clown me up.
6.  Don't you think those comments are just a form of recreational anger?
7.  Hey Nickers, do you have an onion? Awesome!
8.  He drove through snow, hail, snirt, whatever the conditions were, and on terrible roads.
9.  It's right across from the john, so it's in the perfect place to contemplate.
10. We visited her in Wales, but she lives in North Carolina.
11. It comes in a muffin?

May 31 - June 6
1.  He had this sexy, kind of cowboy look. He looked like Protagoras.
2.  I think Johnny's throwing his doobies over the fence.
3.  And don’t wash your clothes in coleslaw!
4.  Fruit soup! It was wonderful. I ate it and ate it and ate it.
5.  I'm reading this book about how shitty they made me feel.
6.  I used to use a sweet potato with a face on it and Sam would ride along and talk to it.
7.  If not replicate, approximate.
8.  Way too many glances and blushes to suit my taste.
9.  I never realized how much I do like family. Instant friendships.
10. When I moved here I was so shocked they carried my groceries, I gave him a dollar tip.
11. Does anyone have some ChapStick? I need some ChapStick.

May 17 - May 30
1.  It's funnier if it's capitalized.
2.  I guess I'm just trying to make you cry, I don't know.
3.  Something to be said for gridlock, ya know?
4.  It's a paradigm shift, not science.
5.  Your shoes squeaked and that scared him.
6.  I know she's asleep, but she hasn't always been asleep.
7.  Hate to lose those trees, they cost a hell of a lot of dough.
8.  The robin burped. He burped!
9.  Now, with Sarah gone, I just told him: I'm not going to take your shit anymore.
10. Excuse me, my kidneys tell me it's my fragile male ego.
11. Got your lariat? Your lariat?

May 10 - May 16
1.  Mother had Wordsworth's Yellow Buttercups read at her funeral.
2.  Civilized people dance and sing and write poetry.
3.  Turns out I'm on a list of body workers from the Maui Hyatt Hotel.
4.  Oh, she's all into this big opera of handwringing, you know?
5.  Why would he do that? Why would he say my dog doesn't like me?
6.  We are currently on the hunt for some good, seedy bread.
7.  Really! I just walked outside and immediately thought "hot dog"!
8.  I wanted to be a poet. I wrote really bad poetry en français.
9.  What if we blow up a bunch of balloons and label them? That would work, might work.
10. It's a massive shift in CRM. He didn't even get it. The future is gone.
11. You don't have to do something exciting to have a good time.

April 26 - May 9
1.  Well, today's the birthday of Hosni Mubarak and Randy Travis.
2.  You're making it a problem by complaining. It won’t be a problem if you stop complaining.
3.  When she yawns her head disappears.
4.  You can be just as famous as she is if the same number of people know you.
5.  I guess they're tired of having wet toes.
6.  He's really too stupid for it to be natural.
7.  There's some people, I wash their car and it always rains.
8.  His name is Bernard, but we call him Buddy most the time.
9.  My mother's brother; that's where I get my brains.
10. They are so kind. They are just little lovers!
11. We are a calm, meditative people.

April 19 - April 25
1.  Joe at Joe's Crabby Shack usually keeps pretty good tabs.
2.  I'd run down the street screaming Bread and Circuses, but they'd think it's a request.
3.  Oh, I don't know Benjamin Franklin or any of those guys.
4.  Nope, we're boycotting Tropicana.
5.  Oh! Oh! Little singing bananas!
6.  She said she had her best makeout sessions in the back of that car.
7.  My yard names range from Stone Guy to O.G.
8.  Call if you get killed.
9.  I really believe we should completely get rid of all that carbon dioxide stuff.
10. Don't let that crazy thing do crazy things.
11. It's a mysterious, enduring, universal question.

April 12 - April 18
1.  When I retire, I'm gonna buy more dirt.
2.  My whatever is just really bad. Where is Bangladesh?
3.  Meat loaf. What is this meat loaf?
4.  I was swimming with all these geese and raccoons and it was wonderful!
5.  Just chatted with a Frenchman at Denny's who's headed to San Antonio to see The Alamo.
6.  Taking pictures of the floor, my nose.
7.  I'm not going to lard my refrigerator with snarky magnets, if that's what you mean.
8.  That's a sneaky silky string!
9.  He bought a yellow '62 Corvette and drove it past the High School.
10. Either it'll get better or it won't.
11. And cheese is option-able.

April 5 - April 11
1.  Ice water makes it worse. I've been in bed all week.
2.  It's the best for your firearms enthusiasm.
3.  We played the Olympic games of stupidness! I won the gold medal.
4.  I'm all tricked out and my last name is Gus.
5.  Got any of them old prescription pads?
6.  Plus, there was this guy at Hy-Vee at five in the morning juggling.
7.  The moon's not there, but you know it's there, right?
8.  I'm a political atheist.
9.  Oh! I know why everybody's ordering lavash. Passover!
10. But you've heard about the Bilderberg Group? You gotta be careful.
11. Yeah, an alien rock star, that's it.

March 29 - April 4
1.  It involves a banjo. Forget it.
2.  I think Dawkin's brain is the primordial soup.
3.  You can't go through life so blinkered that you don't know what women's clothes cost!
4.  I asked her: Is that an onion behind your ear?
5.  Kermit drives just like an old cow.
6.  And I thought, I just spent 6 hours giving my opinions to strangers.
7.  Satire's got to be specific if it's gonna to be funny.
8.  It looks like a thin, tubular noodle.
9.  The kennel named her Boom Boom. We had to change that.
10. Women love me and donkeys fear me.
11. Time is a creature.

March 22 - March 28
1.  He quipped?  People don't quip.
2.  I've got all my money in cold fusion.
3.  Now, wait.  Did he deliver them in the sun?
4.  But sometimes that makes things goofy instead of just obviously wrong.
5.  I like tedious activities; part of my nature.
6.  You notice, like, how people hunch their shoulders when it rains?
7.  He's saying we have the ability to solve problems, but not to predict them.
8.  I have the list. I hate you.
9.  You know, I mean, they're wackos if you don't agree with them.
10. Besides which, Agent Utah, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll.
11. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the government decided to regulate dreams.

March 15 - March 21
1.  I guess I don't consider wackiness and sincerity mutually exclusive.
2.  My biorhythms must be off, eh? I'm going to have to eat cookies.
3.  I can drive a tractor within 1/4 inch for 6 miles.
4.  Trip's a complete conformist, but he thinks his politics are edgy.
5.  I was conceived in Egypt. Outside of Cairo, actually.
6.  If we were Buddhists and really, really nice, we could come back as kitties.
7.  Why the restraint?
8.  I'll let you know my biases and prejudices up start.
9.  I know! But he's like the climate god!
10. It really was nice out on the deck without acrylic companions.
11. Angels can fly. And wind.

February 29 - March 14
1.  He has a body that's shaped, not a lot, but a little like a pineapple.
2.  Why are we moving the giant plant over there?
3.  I guess incomprehension goes along with expectations.
4.  Not too many people can do the bow tie.
5.  He's funny, but not, like, you know, joke funny.
6.  Don't know why he changed his name, but Mrs. English went to our church.
7.  He went out, kept singing it, didn't miss a beat, and came back dressed in blue.
8.  My whole reality is just a bunch of vacuum fluctuations.
9.  Trillion is the new black.
10. I don't see people going to trees or forest creatures for solutions.
11. It sounds like it's going to rain.

February 22 - February 28
1.  I'd come home, might see Marvin Gaye sitting our living room.
2.  A very, very long time.  A super long time.  Two weeks.
3.  And Ted Nugent did 20 minutes of Stranglehold. He was young then.
4.  I'm standing in front of green and purple and orange cauliflower.
5.  We want to prevent that. A clogged drain is just too depressing.
6.  I know! I know! He totally chaps my thong.
7.  Well, I guess even icky people have to buy groceries.
8.  They're like a street gang with a state.
9.  This is America, and it's great to have a voice and a funny hat.
10. Go to the Philippines. Or Hong Kong.
11. She has lumpy red hair.

February 8 - February 21
1.  He's a Muslim and he drinks, so he's not kosher.
2.  Maybe you could get a cuckoo clock and tie the cuckoo to your toe.
3.  Oh, there are the muffins.
4.  Caring about something bigger than one’s self to do...what's the word?
5.  You know, European, Russian, iconic.
6.  Ah! Everybody's doing a screenplay these days.
7.  The golden pepper is five dollars?
8.  I want to be a writer, but right now my life is next to crazy.
9.  Where would a millipede come from when it's nine degrees below zero?
10. I do hear people talking to themselves as they leave Starbucks.
11. OK, categories of variables.

February 1 - February 7
1.  Exactly! Where did the little particle come from?
2.  I know. My life is a tragedy. I'm Calamity Kate.
3.  It's reinforced, but see how he flies!
4.  Coffee just doesn't cut it for me. I want something that's gonna make my legs twitch.
5.  He was really creepy, you know? But friendly.
6.  I could live on licorice and Nicorette.
7.  Plus, don't you miss the old ladies in nice dresses?
8.  I'd rather listen to Elaine Pagels than some guy who reads USA Today and has an opinion.
9.  Anyway, yes, this took courage and humbling and some, some....hum?
10. I thought black pine, white pine, Scotch pine. It's all just big vegetation.
11. Our sound is more round.

January 18 - January 31
1.  Chickens aren't meat. Chickens are birds.
2.  Some of these had serious cleavage and one had yellow lipstick.
3.  I am, like, totally into cool-looking crunchy stuff.
4.  Yeah, raccoons think, but just not fast enough.
5.  His name was Mike. We both married a Mike.
6.  It must have been a seven-pound orange.
7.  I gotta give up naps and baths.
8.  My sister's a New York City cop. She delivered a baby in a taxi last week.
9.  The Pope wear Prada shoes! Where's the vow of poverty?
10. Uh-oh. No. Should I of?
11. He was born on the Forth of July and died on September 11th.

January 11 - January 17
1.  I think writers should be bad citizens.
2.  They said it's his birthday, but isn't he dead?
3.  I love the idea of the toxic cloud.
4.  Are you banned from Sundance?
5.  You can't go in there. You're gonna have to talk to the wax people.
6.  Even my atheist friends are going on eHarmony.
7.  I dreamed I was skating on ice that was my mother.
8.  I don't like it, but I'm trying to like it.
9.  As long as they don't mean that white stuff we had in Ireland.
10. We were really lucky that we were in town when he was in the hospital.
11. The only possible contaminant is cat hair.

January 1 - January 10
1.  I like myself better when I'm clean.
2.  Remember that waitress from Transylvania?
3.  If I were a meat-eater I'd be pretty ticked off by now.
4.  It got mangled in the conveyor belt. It happens.
5.  I think this salad could use one theme instead of three.
6.  Everything went wrong! I even ran out of staples.
7.  It's either some of it or all of it or none of it. I don't really care.
8.  I would never get into bed with a cold.
9.  Michael Phelps at the peak of all his biorhythms couldn't handle all that.
10. Make 'em think you're crazy, or maybe don't speak English.
11. The content baffles me.

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