November 8 - November 14
1.  I'm having the hats made in China. Too many sequins.
2.  Who eats meat cooked in a pressure cooker?
3.  Too bad it wasn't a Buddhist. Then he would have just set himself on fire.
4.  I've got a cuteness clog.
5.  Not everything is a metaphor, Jack.
6.  I wonder if we liked the name better than we actually liked the meal.
7.  You had a crush on him?
8.  I dropped it on a stone floor in Mexico. It's never behaved sensibly since, poor thing.
9.  But it's karma. I've did my fair share of stealing when I was younger.
10. I grew up with the King James and that's a rough read.
11. He's got this big diversity view, so he only hates people who don't.

November 1 - November 7
1.  I haven't read the Constitution, but I got it bookmarked.
2.  My eyes are totally beady.
3.  I'm good at darts.
4.  That shower head does everything.
5.  I dreamed he just didn't like me any more, and that I had beans under my skin.
6.  Um, maybe in tools? Or hardware? Um, plumbing? I really aren't sure.
7.  If I get it, it goes to Cabela's. If my wife gets it, it goes to Hy-Vee.
8.  You've never seen anything like it for weird.
9.  Never trust a man who has ears bigger than his brain.
10. Not everything is a metaphor, Jason.
11. I'm seriously beginning to seriously think that they're seriously insane.

October 25 - October 31
1.  She lives under a series of unpleasant planets.
2.  Jeff is having a contest. Can I put a sign in your yard?
3.  Taking a nap is like having two days in one.
4.  Farvel? Sounds like a Pakistani appetizer.
5.  I've got to go shopping for, uh, drugs.
6.  That's the nice thing about epiphanies, they don't have to be restrained.
7.  This is just the best of the worst.
8.  You look so cute! I mean ferocious.
9.  The closer and closer it gets, the crazier and crazier things get.
10. Funny how you can tell where a car comes from by the amount of snow on its roof.
11. It' so tranquil here.

October 3 - October 24
1.  What did that say? Reptile grooming?
2.  Actually, everything is and was and becomes empirical.
3.  Did you ever consider yourself fortunate for doing simple, honest work for a living?
4.  December sounds like a good time to have dinner.
5.  It's a class roof.
6.  I'm supercharged with optimism.
7.  You'd use those truffle bolts, right?
8.  I spent my whole life avoiding fancy mustard.
9.  It's majestic.
10. We is the new they.
11. She has red, short hair. Why did I need to tell you that?

September 27 - October 3
1.  Where's your dad? It's got white crap all over it.
2.  I hope to come back to a red, orange and yellow world.
3.  We'll have to go to the wall for that, so it will take a minute.
4.  I snivel at most anything anymore.
5.  So many names, too many names.
6.  Looks like we got a nice chunk of rain.
7.  Want to wake up and smell the sunset?
8.  Nothin' like military hardware to make a girl feel festive.
9.  I'm depressed as an atheist.
10. What's with all the fucking ruffles?
11. The only thing that saved me was that he handed it to me and said: Match this.

September 20 - September 26
1.  Well, the dump still smells.
2.  You could tell him he had to live on bread & water and he'd be fine. He loves bread.
3.  I noticed people were starting to call me Big Guy. I thought: Am I a Big Guy?
4.  Was it Mom who used to say the only person you can trust is yourself? Or was it Earl?
5.  Nursing is a giving profession, but I went into it because I looked good in a nurses cap.
6.  If Pam can go to Burning Man, then I can get through this crisis.
7.  Wednesday I'm going to have my head examined. Teeth and eyes.
8.  We've got a genius woodpecker and a one-legged starling.
9.  It said making choices, but I thought it said making codpieces.
10. You sound like a chipmunk and a bulldog.
11. I had visions of Merck stealing our garbage.

August 27 - September 19 (Overheard in Washington, DC)
1.  The dinosaurs are so big and skinny.
2.  We want something thoughtful, but not crass or hillbilly-ish.
3.  U-ee U-ee U-ee! Are you ready for a u-ee?
4.  Sometimes I just want to live on a farm, raise Goldendoodles and grow tomatoes.
5.  They're not that smart. They're not smart seats.
6.  My wife, the woman I married, and I ate at that table before we were.
7.  Then she pulls out the stick. You know the Thai stick?
8.  Move. I don't want to shoot a beam through you.
9.  She was so, like, exaggerated and I was so, like, normal.
10. Are you sparkly?
11. It's free! Of course, it's free if you pay.

August 10 - August 26 (Overheard in Copenhagen, Denmark)
1.  It comes in a special bread with a hole in it.
2.  Fate has no face.
3.  Dionysus is the only one that kept his nose.
4.  Did you see the lesbians with the matching shoes?
5.  Everything's blurry when you sit there, everything's blurry when you move fast.
6.  He looks like he walks.
7.  I can't tell if he's a clown or, like, real.
8.  I'm very tattered. Yeah, tattered.
9.  We closed a half-hour ago, but somebody forgot.
10. It's when I found out what Shakespeare is all about; stopping this endless cycle of violence.
11. Oh yes, we have guns, but nobody likes them.

August 2 - August 9
1.  I've been around a few ladies in my day.
2.  There's something about that word "Made In China" that kind of appalls me.
3.  You know that room we call the dungeon?
4.  People sitting around reading, looking at the ceiling.
5.  It's like he thinks people who think are stupid.
6.  He wants bail, he wants money, he wants a ride.
7.  What's our address?
8.  I just have loads of money.
9.  So, are you going to check out your ancestry, or?
10. There's a poster-bed sale at Walgreen's.
11. Anybody want to buy junk silver?

July 26 - August 1
1.  No epiphanies. You?
2.  He had an umbrella with him, so I knew he was from the UK.
3.  It's famous for its jute, its jam and its journalism.
4.  The back tire blew out because it was so rubbery.
5.  You can do anything you want with me until 3:00.
6.  And 40 cents isn't enough for the bus.
7.  I've tried. I've been trying since 7:00 this morning.
8.  They use this most perfect stretch of beach for bombing practice.
9.  I can't remember all the rooms, even the fireplace. That's what cameras are for.
10. He had a visor or couldn't buy a visor or something?
11. Wet.

July 19 - July 25
1.  All my ribbons were pink, which is kind of embarrassing.
2.  Last night I felt like a pizza so I got on my bike and road to Crescent, Iowa.
3.  My Dad thinks I had something to do with the robbery.
4.  My top three fears are elves and yams and Canada.
5.  Sam the Sham? I don't know why I know that.
6.  What it lacks in eloquence it makes up for in truth.
7.  God you people are pathetic. It's so 2008.
8.  Tell my son you want him to die! Eric, these people want you to die!
9.  She's full of clever little events.
10. Except you have to promise to only write poetry about economic theory.
11. Since it's all socially constructed, you can deconstruct it and reconstruct it.

July 12 - July 18
1.  I have a cat that's pure white and we call her Patches.
2.  Do you have any plans for the Parmesan?
3.  And that my Senior Prom was at the Livestock Exchange Building. How Nebraska is that?
4.  There was a time when I was a libertine agnostic.
5.  They kept getting diseased & over-dry & more horrible & he kept pruning them into squares.
6.  Have you been here before? Have you been here before? What did you order here before?
7.  I just wanted you to know that I cleaned the bird poop off your mailbox.
8.  She'll eat it for months and then, nothing!
9.  You brought dead bunnies to school?
10. He's too dumb to be Jewish.
11. I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him and that was it.

July 5 - July 11
1.  I don't think he has any idea that he just lost his pliers and his poker table.
2.  When you're in prison, there's not much to do but reflect on esoteric questions.
3.  I'm gonna make the couch unto giant Ceratops.
4.  Cats I can put up with, as long as they're satiating the woman in my life.
5.  I don't want to sit in the rain & wait for something that might or might not happen to happen.
6.  Ya know what I think, I think he wants the Muslims to take over.
7.  I lived in London and Singapore and France. I know them intimately.
8.  That is torture. I don't want to see a kid's boxers.
9.  He looks like he travels with his house. Like a homeless person with a car.
10. We can't be afraid to see what we see.
11. You're gonna teach in bowling shoes?

June 28 - July 4
1.  I was carrying a big, pink piggy around the store.
2.  How can a movie about spiders get three stars.
3.  At least he's more entertaining and not as dangerous.
4.  Small lake, small community, small expectations.
5.  Lush and lovely sounds lush and lovely.
6.  I like words and ideas and ice cream.
7.  So, how was your 5-minute wedding?
8.  Almost any average woman does anything better than almost any average man.
9.  Sammy the finger-biter?
10. This is the land of the red-haired people!
11. They changed the cut of the underwear I wear.

June 21 - June 27
1.  I like French's. I'm real plebeian when it comes to mustard.
2.  Have you seen anything recently that is absolutely square?
3.  I don't have to get out into nature; I have a big patio.
4.  Yeah, but he didn't say it was predicted, he said it was anticipated.
5.  Hydrate! Hydrate! Take care of yourself!
6.  We need to do what is possible in order to achieve what is possible.
7.  I think he's afraid he's going to boil the cat.
8.  My scrambled eggs this morning are the color of my roses outside my kitchen window.
9.  His intelligence makes me want to be that smart.
10. You tell that cowboy that we have to go down to Ahmad's and get some chow.
11. We had some really sparkling wind the other day.

June 14 - June 20
1.  These grapes are too round.
2.  I just love making nonsense where there is chaos.
3.  They are covered with silicone, drive Beemers and shop at Whole Foods.
4.  Don't forget your hat, your head'll burn.
5.  I am both cynical and idealistic at the same time.
6.  I think I'll whitewash some tomatoes.
7.  Remember when green was just a nice color?
8.  Good business makes good friends.
9.  You are the cream cheese frosting on the carrot cake of existence.
10. Like Marcus Owens; handsome to just an old man.
11. My herbs have finally turned into study habits.

June 7 - June 13
1.  What kind of a name is Thayer? Is that some California name?
2.  I was attacked by ants.
3.  The dog doesn't cook.
4.  He's got a big brain full of little, tiny ideas.
5.  I've got some errands to run, so don't clown me up.
6.  Don't you think those comments are just a form of recreational anger?
7.  Hey Nickers, do you have an onion? Awesome!
8.  He drove through snow, hail, snirt, whatever the conditions were, and on terrible roads.
9.  It's right across from the john, so it's in the perfect place to contemplate.
10. We visited her in Wales, but she lives in North Carolina.
11. It comes in a muffin?

May 31 - June 6
1.  He had this sexy, kind of cowboy look. He looked like Protagoras.
2.  I think Johnny's throwing his doobies over the fence.
3.  And don’t wash your clothes in coleslaw!
4.  Fruit soup! It was wonderful. I ate it and ate it and ate it.
5.  I'm reading this book about how shitty they made me feel.
6.  I used to use a sweet potato with a face on it and Sam would ride along and talk to it.
7.  If not replicate, approximate.
8.  Way too many glances and blushes to suit my taste.
9.  I never realized how much I do like family. Instant friendships.
10. When I moved here I was so shocked they carried my groceries, I gave him a dollar tip.
11. Does anyone have some ChapStick? I need some ChapStick.

May 17 - May 30
1.  It's funnier if it's capitalized.
2.  I guess I'm just trying to make you cry, I don't know.
3.  Something to be said for gridlock, ya know?
4.  It's a paradigm shift, not science.
5.  Your shoes squeaked and that scared him.
6.  I know she's asleep, but she hasn't always been asleep.
7.  Hate to lose those trees, they cost a hell of a lot of dough.
8.  The robin burped. He burped!
9.  Now, with Sarah gone, I just told him: I'm not going to take your shit anymore.
10. Excuse me, my kidneys tell me it's my fragile male ego.
11. Got your lariat? Your lariat?

May 10 - May 16
1.  Mother had Wordsworth's Yellow Buttercups read at her funeral.
2.  Civilized people dance and sing and write poetry.
3.  Turns out I'm on a list of body workers from the Maui Hyatt Hotel.
4.  Oh, she's all into this big opera of handwringing, you know?
5.  Why would he do that? Why would he say my dog doesn't like me?
6.  We are currently on the hunt for some good, seedy bread.
7.  Really! I just walked outside and immediately thought "hot dog"!
8.  I wanted to be a poet. I wrote really bad poetry en français.
9.  What if we blow up a bunch of balloons and label them? That would work, might work.
10. It's a massive shift in CRM. He didn't even get it. The future is gone.
11. You don't have to do something exciting to have a good time.

April 26 - May 9
1.  Well, today's the birthday of Hosni Mubarak and Randy Travis.
2.  You're making it a problem by complaining. It won’t be a problem if you stop complaining.
3.  When she yawns her head disappears.
4.  You can be just as famous as she is if the same number of people know you.
5.  I guess they're tired of having wet toes.
6.  He's really too stupid for it to be natural.
7.  There's some people, I wash their car and it always rains.
8.  His name is Bernard, but we call him Buddy most the time.
9.  My mother's brother; that's where I get my brains.
10. They are so kind. They are just little lovers!
11. We are a calm, meditative people.

April 19 - April 25
1.  Joe at Joe's Crabby Shack usually keeps pretty good tabs.
2.  I'd run down the street screaming Bread and Circuses, but they'd think it's a request.
3.  Oh, I don't know Benjamin Franklin or any of those guys.
4.  Nope, we're boycotting Tropicana.
5.  Oh! Oh! Little singing bananas!
6.  She said she had her best makeout sessions in the back of that car.
7.  My yard names range from Stone Guy to O.G.
8.  Call if you get killed.
9.  I really believe we should completely get rid of all that carbon dioxide stuff.
10. Don't let that crazy thing do crazy things.
11. It's a mysterious, enduring, universal question.

April 12 - April 18
1.  When I retire, I'm gonna buy more dirt.
2.  My whatever is just really bad. Where is Bangladesh?
3.  Meat loaf. What is this meat loaf?
4.  I was swimming with all these geese and raccoons and it was wonderful!
5.  Just chatted with a Frenchman at Denny's who's headed to San Antonio to see The Alamo.
6.  Taking pictures of the floor, my nose.
7.  I'm not going to lard my refrigerator with snarky magnets, if that's what you mean.
8.  That's a sneaky silky string!
9.  He bought a yellow '62 Corvette and drove it past the High School.
10. Either it'll get better or it won't.
11. And cheese is option-able.

April 5 - April 11
1.  Ice water makes it worse. I've been in bed all week.
2.  It's the best for your firearms enthusiasm.
3.  We played the Olympic games of stupidness! I won the gold medal.
4.  I'm all tricked out and my last name is Gus.
5.  Got any of them old prescription pads?
6.  Plus, there was this guy at Hy-Vee at five in the morning juggling.
7.  The moon's not there, but you know it's there, right?
8.  I'm a political atheist.
9.  Oh! I know why everybody's ordering lavash. Passover!
10. But you've heard about the Bilderberg Group? You gotta be careful.
11. Yeah, an alien rock star, that's it.

March 29 - April 4
1.  It involves a banjo. Forget it.
2.  I think Dawkin's brain is the primordial soup.
3.  You can't go through life so blinkered that you don't know what women's clothes cost!
4.  I asked her: Is that an onion behind your ear?
5.  Kermit drives just like an old cow.
6.  And I thought, I just spent 6 hours giving my opinions to strangers.
7.  Satire's got to be specific if it's gonna to be funny.
8.  It looks like a thin, tubular noodle.
9.  The kennel named her Boom Boom. We had to change that.
10. Women love me and donkeys fear me.
11. Time is a creature.

March 22 - March 28
1.  He quipped?  People don't quip.
2.  I've got all my money in cold fusion.
3.  Now, wait.  Did he deliver them in the sun?
4.  But sometimes that makes things goofy instead of just obviously wrong.
5.  I like tedious activities; part of my nature.
6.  You notice, like, how people hunch their shoulders when it rains?
7.  He's saying we have the ability to solve problems, but not to predict them.
8.  I have the list. I hate you.
9.  You know, I mean, they're wackos if you don't agree with them.
10. Besides which, Agent Utah, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll.
11. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the government decided to regulate dreams.

March 15 - March 21
1.  I guess I don't consider wackiness and sincerity mutually exclusive.
2.  My biorhythms must be off, eh? I'm going to have to eat cookies.
3.  I can drive a tractor within 1/4 inch for 6 miles.
4.  Trip's a complete conformist, but he thinks his politics are edgy.
5.  I was conceived in Egypt. Outside of Cairo, actually.
6.  If we were Buddhists and really, really nice, we could come back as kitties.
7.  Why the restraint?
8.  I'll let you know my biases and prejudices up start.
9.  I know! But he's like the climate god!
10. It really was nice out on the deck without acrylic companions.
11. Angels can fly. And wind.

February 29 - March 14
1.  He has a body that's shaped, not a lot, but a little like a pineapple.
2.  Why are we moving the giant plant over there?
3.  I guess incomprehension goes along with expectations.
4.  Not too many people can do the bow tie.
5.  He's funny, but not, like, you know, joke funny.
6.  Don't know why he changed his name, but Mrs. English went to our church.
7.  He went out, kept singing it, didn't miss a beat, and came back dressed in blue.
8.  My whole reality is just a bunch of vacuum fluctuations.
9.  Trillion is the new black.
10. I don't see people going to trees or forest creatures for solutions.
11. It sounds like it's going to rain.

February 22 - February 28
1.  I'd come home, might see Marvin Gaye sitting our living room.
2.  A very, very long time.  A super long time.  Two weeks.
3.  And Ted Nugent did 20 minutes of Stranglehold. He was young then.
4.  I'm standing in front of green and purple and orange cauliflower.
5.  We want to prevent that. A clogged drain is just too depressing.
6.  I know! I know! He totally chaps my thong.
7.  Well, I guess even icky people have to buy groceries.
8.  They're like a street gang with a state.
9.  This is America, and it's great to have a voice and a funny hat.
10. Go to the Philippines. Or Hong Kong.
11. She has lumpy red hair.

February 8 - February 21
1.  He's a Muslim and he drinks, so he's not kosher.
2.  Maybe you could get a cuckoo clock and tie the cuckoo to your toe.
3.  Oh, there are the muffins.
4.  Caring about something bigger than one’s self to do...what's the word?
5.  You know, European, Russian, iconic.
6.  Ah! Everybody's doing a screenplay these days.
7.  The golden pepper is five dollars?
8.  I want to be a writer, but right now my life is next to crazy.
9.  Where would a millipede come from when it's nine degrees below zero?
10. I do hear people talking to themselves as they leave Starbucks.
11. OK, categories of variables.

February 1 - February 7
1.  Exactly! Where did the little particle come from?
2.  I know. My life is a tragedy. I'm Calamity Kate.
3.  It's reinforced, but see how he flies!
4.  Coffee just doesn't cut it for me. I want something that's gonna make my legs twitch.
5.  He was really creepy, you know? But friendly.
6.  I could live on licorice and Nicorette.
7.  Plus, don't you miss the old ladies in nice dresses?
8.  I'd rather listen to Elaine Pagels than some guy who reads USA Today and has an opinion.
9.  Anyway, yes, this took courage and humbling and some, some....hum?
10. I thought black pine, white pine, Scotch pine. It's all just big vegetation.
11. Our sound is more round.

January 18 - January 31
1.  Chickens aren't meat. Chickens are birds.
2.  Some of these had serious cleavage and one had yellow lipstick.
3.  I am, like, totally into cool-looking crunchy stuff.
4.  Yeah, raccoons think, but just not fast enough.
5.  His name was Mike. We both married a Mike.
6.  It must have been a seven-pound orange.
7.  I gotta give up naps and baths.
8.  My sister's a New York City cop. She delivered a baby in a taxi last week.
9.  The Pope wear Prada shoes! Where's the vow of poverty?
10. Uh-oh. No. Should I of?
11. He was born on the Forth of July and died on September 11th.

January 11 - January 17
1.  I think writers should be bad citizens.
2.  They said it's his birthday, but isn't he dead?
3.  I love the idea of the toxic cloud.
4.  Are you banned from Sundance?
5.  You can't go in there. You're gonna have to talk to the wax people.
6.  Even my atheist friends are going on eHarmony.
7.  I dreamed I was skating on ice that was my mother.
8.  I don't like it, but I'm trying to like it.
9.  As long as they don't mean that white stuff we had in Ireland.
10. We were really lucky that we were in town when he was in the hospital.
11. The only possible contaminant is cat hair.

January 1 - January 10
1.  I like myself better when I'm clean.
2.  Remember that waitress from Transylvania?
3.  If I were a meat-eater I'd be pretty ticked off by now.
4.  It got mangled in the conveyor belt. It happens.
5.  I think this salad could use one theme instead of three.
6.  Everything went wrong! I even ran out of staples.
7.  It's either some of it or all of it or none of it. I don't really care.
8.  I would never get into bed with a cold.
9.  Michael Phelps at the peak of all his biorhythms couldn't handle all that.
10. Make 'em think you're crazy, or maybe don't speak English.
11. The content baffles me.

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